Damn Efficient ROK Subway System
I feel like crap today… Must have caught something while taking the subways here in South Korea. I’m just tired. Hopefully its not avian Influenza. I haven’t slept last night since I have been kept awake by my coughing. I need all the sleep I can get so my immune system can fight off whatever bug has gotten me, but I can’t get enough sleep because of the symptoms… go figure.
Could it be I’m just feeling weak and tired because of not letting go? Not forgiving someone i thought has somehow either wronged me or I have wronged and I just cannot forgive them or myself for not being able to forgive. Maybe I’m just burnt out because my anger is consuming me again.
At what point does love and trust for someone turns into burning hate and indifference?
As a child I’ve grown up in an environment of negativity, where "revenge" is a virtue and is venerated, where forgiveness can be only handed to someone after they lay bleeding and in the threshold of death. Where swift punishment is law. the problem with this way of thinking is that people tend to focus on the negative things in life, wasting time and energy scheming about how best to inflict pain on someone who has hurt you, and eventually it just consumes the one who hate, drives them down to a spiral of remorse, and after revenge had been served (preferably cold, as in cold-blooded) the feelings of hate subsides but is immediately replaced by shame and anguish over the realization that you have done something wrong. Evil begets evil. It took me awhile to understand this and I still fall into the trap once in a while, I’m sorry to say that I am still human, still…
"Don’t be a player hater…" sounds stupid, but that one phrase has wisdom, Instead of being angry and be schemeful, why not concentrate on other things, each one of us has the ability to change and to change the cards we are dealt with, if not replace the cards, look at it in a different way. There is reason "Wrath" is one of the seven deadly sins. What a waste….. Bushido tells us that revenge must be swift. True, but there is a need for balance. We should never strike in anger, the fullfillment of justice must always be executed in out best possible composure with compassion and skillful means.
Currently Reading:
In Enemy Hands (Honor Harrington Series, Book 7)
by David Weber
